- The difference between spirit-led v ego-led relationships
- How can someone who may feel that they are “not enough” in a relationship, view themselves in a non-judgmental way.
- How to determine which way to go to have the best possible relationship
As someone who’s dealt all my life with different family members suffering from serious mood disorders, it is an honor to be the host of DAY 3 of the Virtual Blog Tour for Richard David Price’s new book, Beating the Adversary: A True Story of Schizoaffective Disorder, officially released on 1st December, 2014. On its debut, it became Amazon’s #1 best-selling new release in the category of books on Schizophrenia.
RICHARD DAVID PRICE was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder as a teenager, as a result of a childhood accident.
Despite his difficult adolescence, he went on to complete a Master’s Degree in Business and has two children to whom he is devoted.
He is a devout member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and feels his mission in life is to help spread hope that we all can overcome our personal challenges.
Yesterday, Richard visited Marilyn Rice at http://www.lookaftereachother.blogspot.com, where they talked about Communicating with lost loved ones and other topics.
Today, I’d like to share with you a recent interview I had with Richard, discussing how we can support family members who have been diagnosed with a serious mental health issue.
GEOFF: How can a family best recognize that someone (particularly a child/teenager) may have Schizoaffective Disorder?
RICHARD: That is going to be really hard to do, in some respects. In my case, it wasn’t easy. I will admit that, when I look back on it. I didn’t talk much, which I know was a challenge for my mother, who ultimately got me through it.
I would key in on “Major Depressive Episodes” and “Grossly Disorganized or Catatonic Behavior” to start with. You should see a major change in the child. However, it won’t be one you a ready to accept. Denial is not going to be helpful, when you really are dealing with a life and death illness. Most people who suffer from major depression will hurt themselves, but they won’t go on to hurt anybody else. I think it is to see if they really “feel”. It’s hard to deal with emotions when they are only at extreme levels.
GEOFF: What are a couple strategies a family can use to help the entire family cope with someone having this disorder? What should they be doing and what should they NOT be doing?
RICHARD: I am going to be much better at pointing out what they should NOT do, because it’s easier to see, with hindsight.
You should NOT assign blame when it comes to having depression, whether it’s clinical depression or maybe a major depressive episode triggered by a life event. You also cannot assign a timeline for recovery like you can with the flu, for example. There is a much greater knowledge base than ever before, but it comes down to free agency and the ability to look in the mirror at yourself and choose to see what is really there, emotionally speaking. To have somebody assign blame or anger is not going to speed up that ability to see yourself.
But the people surrounding the sufferer shouldn’t blame themselves either. This will not result in any kind of positive outlet for recovery, or an idea that may promote recovery. I believe love often involves heavy doses of suffering and patience, and selfishness really doesn’t play a part in either of those. I have seen my share of others’ kids suffering and it really hurts to know that as much as I want to, I can’t just talk to them and make everything okay. I feel like that is why the Lord really wanted me to tell my story, no matter how long it took to get it on paper the right way.
GEOFF: How does one differentiate between Schizoaffective Disorder and high-anxiety?
RICHARD: In my case, both diagnoses apply, but in summary:
Schizoaffective disorder involves major depressive episodes, delusions, hallucinations, disorganized speech and highly disorganized or ‘catatonic’ behavior.
Post-traumatic stress disorder, or high anxiety, involves trembling or twitching, exhaustion, insomnia, being easily distracted, feeling like your mind keeps going blank, and frequently avoiding places linked with the trauma or anxiety.
***END OF INTERVIEW***
I hope you enjoyed this brief interview with author Richard Price and that you’ll check out his new book Beating the Adversary: A True Story of Schizoaffective Disorder.
When you buy Beating the Adversary during its official Amazon launch, you’ll also receive a free novel entitled, The Ladder, from Conditional Publications – an independent publisher dedicated to writers with neurological conditions.
To buy Beating the Adversary
and get your free novel, go to:
Thanks for reading! Please do share your comments and thoughts below. I love reading your feedback.
Be sure to follow Richard tomorrow on the next stop of his Virtual Blog Tour, when he’ll be visiting Erica Tucci’s blog at http://www.radiantsurvivor.com/reflections, where they’ll be talking in more depth about schizoaffective disorder and how to overcome it.
I was working with a couple recently who are in the midst of dissolving a long-term relationship. At one point in the conversation, one of them said, “I’m so sad and angry that, with all these years we had together, we just couldn’t get it together…work our stuff out.” There’s many reasons why that often is the case for couples, but I’ve come to see that if you find yourself in that boat, on any level, it’s probably because you’ve been waiting for something.
This handsome Dude you see on the left recently gave me a HUGE reminder of another cost of waiting…for love, for the “right time,” for when you feel “safe” enough, etc. Let me introduce you to Michael Anthony Childress.
Mike has been a friend, a member of one of the Men’s Groups I lead, an extremely accomplished ICU/Critical Care Nurse for over 15 years, an ex-husband, a former football player, a lover of fast cars, an irreverent smart-ass, and an extremely loving Soul who constantly was trying to figure out what this Love thing was all about…’cos it seemed to him that he just couldn’t “figure that s**t out” (to quote Mike directly).
Last Monday, on the 18th, after wondering why Mike hadn’t shown up to our men’s meeting on the 14th, and after having left him several messages, I found out that Mike had died of a sudden massive heart attack 2 days previous to our meeting, at the age of 45. This wonderfully loving man had been laying on his living room floor for several days before being found. I am quite sure it wasn’t in Mike’s plans that day – especially given how hard he worked out every day for years to create a body that was in incredible shape – to be getting ready to go to the gym, and literally drop dead.
In fact, what I imagine was more on Mike’s mind was what he’d do after the workout, what he’d be doing next to find a new nursing job, how he was going to make it back from one of the hardest years of his life. Mike was like a lot of us…in the face of things going badly where they were, his first tendency was to try to out-think the circumstances…to come up with better strategies…to try/work harder at making things work out.
Yet, after the last year of hell he’d been through, he’d had a revelation that I trust and hope allowed him to leave this life happier…he learned that trying to control his life and ignore what his heart was telling him and needing was a s**tty strategy. He learned that the one thing that had been so hard for him – letting people support him and love on him – was what made the biggest difference in turning his life back in the direction of high self-love and a comeback-in-the-making that inspired me and all of us who knew him. This made it all the harder to make sense of him suddenly dying when it all was finally starting to go in the direction he longed for.
So, why am I taking up your precious time having you read about a guy that mattered to me, but you didn’t know from Adam? Because the best way I know to honor my friend is to have his seemingly meaningless death, at such a young age, have meaning beyond what he could’ve imagined. Here’s what I suggest that meaning and value can be for you, as it surely is for me.
You often hear platitudes about making the most of each day, because you never know when it’s going to be your last. You know it’s good advice, but the mind kicks in with its arrogant belief that you’ll be the one to cheat it somehow…or, at least, that you’ll live for decades more. You may be lamenting why you can’t get a relationship to work out…or, how come you can’t seem to feel too excited or inspired with the one you have…with you, your partner, your life.
You might be trying to figure that out…and odds are, you’re waiting for something….for the perfect partner to show up that meets every single thing on your wish list for a lover. Maybe you’re waiting until you get that next promotion, that next pay jump that will give you the extra money you need to be able to finally start creating “The Dream.” Maybe you’re waiting until you get through the next deadline to take your partner and/or your kids on that road trip where you’ll just be able to have fun and connect. Maybe, you’re waiting until your ego-mind assures you you’re absolutly guaranteed enough of being safe that you’ll finally start letting people see – and love – who you REALLY are.
I’m not saying all this to discount the importance and value of getting things done, being in action to create the life you want, etc. What I AM saying this for is to encourage you to re-look at what it’s all for…is what you’re trying to create in your life being driven by the highest priority being survival or to serve love in myriad ways? I just read a survey that says a LOT of people expect to maybe enjoy 10% of their life, and are just passing time until the end, hoping it won’t suck as bad as they fear it could. I don’t know how real that number really is, but what I know from working with so many people over the last 17 years is that it may not be THAT far off….and that breaks my heart and, hopefully, would break yours.
In my opinion, the way to avoid becoming a part of that statistic is to make love your top priority…don’t wait for love to suddenly arrive or for the “perfect” or convenient time to give love to yourself and others…hell, what would your life be like if you found a way, by hook or by crook, to love on someone even when you feel like crap? We KNOW it makes you feel better! Don’t wait until you have time, or convenience, to call the person you just thought of that you haven’t talked with in a long time…if you thought of them out of the blue, it’s because your Spirit knows you need to connect with that person for reasons you don’t know…or, even need to know.
Stop waiting for love and make it…have sex with your partner to heal separation, instead of waiting to not feel separate to get in the mood. Call people. Write someone you love a quick note telling them three things you love about them (or better yet, call them and tell them). Stop what you’re doing and just tell your kids you love them and why. Do the same for yourself.
Don’t be a statistic…be the love that you were born to be and don’t wait. Mike reminded me of that, and I’m joining you in making that the top priority that can guide me – and must – in all that I create and open to.
When you hear the expression, “Love is blind,” what do you normally think of first? Do you conjure up an image of blind dates from hell? Does it bring up a rationale for overlooking something about someone (or yourself) that you really ought not to be overlooking? Is it a pathway to be able to find something to love in your partner that drives you batty more often than not? Maybe it’s the phrase you use to truly believe that love is enough to overcome anything and everything.
What I find a lot in my work wtih couples is that “love is blind” would be more accurately stated as “love is important enough to stay blind, so you don’t lose it and don’t look where it might be uncomfortable.”
When couples get together, there’s so much of the initial infatuation/lust that truly is blind…you can start feeling such strong emotions and drives without really having much of a clear sense of why you feel that way…you just do. The feelings are SO strong, we let them carry us away and transport us to an emotionally and hormonally driven run down a semi-blind trajectory to what we’re sure will be romantic Nirvana. But, sure as Carter’s got liver pills, when that bio-chemical fever dream wears off, you get down to where the rubber really meets the road…building, growing, and nurturing a thriving relationship versus a “good” one…which is what most people I see have come to settle for.
This is where love can’t afford to be blind. Whether you’ve been together for 3 years or 30, I’ve found that one of the single biggest causes of relationship discord is what you don’t say…and, not so much what you don’t say to your partner, but what you’re not saying to yourself first!
Most couples I’ve met, when they really dig down into the truth within themselves, have KNOWN their relationship was not in great shape. Yet, by the time things have gotten bad enough to actively (and often desparately) seek help, the stagnancy has already gotten pretty thick, often with a high level of resentment to go with it…resentment that often can be the death knell to possibility and to the relationship itself.
Why is that, you may be wondering (or not)?
In my opinion, it’s often due to a few key factors that are consistent among most couples that I’ve helped out:
- You’re terrified of pain
- You don’t want to see what you don’t want to see in yourself (good, as well as not so good, by the way)
- You’ve gotten complacent with where you are in your life, and aren’t willing to risk discomfort by challenging status quo
- Your fear has lulled you into believing that a good relationship isn’t one that’s great, but is one that doesn’t suck…period, or more than it has in the past.
- You’ve forgotten that you have the inherent strength to stare change squarely in the eye and embrace it as the only alternative to being part of the walking dead or numb, even if it scares the wee-wee out of you.
I certainly can say that any or all of these have been factors that have been part of where I’ve been astonished at what I haven’t seen until it’s blown up in my face and/or others’.
One key way to avoid this, or start turning it around, is to decide that, as Eckhart Tolle said, “Evolve or die” has proven to be demonstrated in so many areas of life and the world. that it is actually true…and, that your relationship is not an exception.
If you choose to operate accordingly, then you will see that rigorous honesty must be combined with an equally huge commitment to never allowing the thought “I don’t want to upset them” to be the centerpiece of how you show up – and how you don’t – in your relationship.
What you don’t say to your partner to avoid bad feelings or conflict…start looking at what you’re not wanting to upset in yourself, challenge that, and start trusting your love for each other more than you trust the fear of risking pain.
It started before the election returns were even coming in, much less votes being cast. After months of being saturated with the incessant doom and gloom (great new Rolling Stones song about that, by the way) of all the political advertising, the media
immediately pounced on the next thing for us all to be worried about within hours of the election being decided: the fiscal cliff.
I see all kinds of clients (and know this one myself) going through something similar. You struggle for awhile with something regarding happiness. You get this blessed moment of “all is well in the world,” and within minutes or hours, start either worrying about the next thing or checking something off your List Of Things To Do To Be ‘Successful’ And Loved List and then start focusing on what’s next to conquer.
Maybe you’re trying to figure out if a relationship you have, or are considering having, is likely to work out, so you can figure out if you’re going to go for it…or stay in it. Sound familiar? If you’re in that boat, have you stopped to notice what specific things you’re looking at to determine if you’re content or not?
If you were to really take a close look at it, you’re extremely likely to find that what you’re trying to sort out – and the evidence you’re seeking to help you decide what to do – is largely future-based. You’re wondering what the other person’s going to be like down the road. How financially stable are they going to be? How well will they take care of you? Am I going to be able to be who I want to be with them (in the future) if I follow my dreams? Will they be a good father/mother? Will sex still be good years down the road? These are the kinds of things that people chronically ask when they contact me for help with their relationships.
Because your issues with romantic relationships are usually mirrors of your relationship with yourself, maybe you’re not realizing how much of what you’re evaluating to determine how good your relationship is/will be with someone is actually a subtle distraction from looking to see what your relationship is with yourself. Maybe, you’re not noticing how much you’re basing your sense of whether your life is working or not around projections into the future to try and figure out how happy you’re going to be then!
We all do it. While having a sense of common/shared values and aspirations are critical to a successful relationship…and knowing well what each person’s core values are…once you’re clear that there’s enough love and compatibility to be sure that this person’s someone you want to be with, the rest of the game is about taking what’s present and allowing it to help you each build the future. It can’t realistically be about trying to predict, manage, and control it….holding your relationship hostage in the process.
If you’re having challenges NOW, about how to navigate issues and conflicts that are happening – and about – NOW…and you’re not finding your way through them, then it’s a good time to be looking for help and support to get clear and move through them. But, if you want to take a step before going there…start first with seeing how much of your discontent has to do with a future you’re imagining (HEAVY on the imagining) and will NEVER be able to predict.
When you see that’s what’s going on, reign yourself back in to what you’re needing today, in this moment. You will find that that can re-orient you towards looking at what you’ve got that’s good…and making it better…instead of trying to create an ego-based insurance policy for a future that you’d be bored to death with anyway if you knew what it was going to look like ahead of time.
Lastly, you can then shift your focus to what you can and should be celebrating about what you have that’s already working and feeding your Spirit. By doing that, you’ll both generate more of it. Wouldn’t that be much less stressful for you?
Are you on the precipice of launching into an even bigger, more powerful, more truthful phase of your life and/or business, and long for connection with other women who can encourage, inspire, support and celebrate you?
Does the thought of spending an afternoon in a room filled with astounding women who exude joy, vulnerability, generosity, courage, power and brilliance make you giddy with anticipation?
Jennifer Zwiebel has lined up an amazing panel of experts that I am proud to be a part of for her INTO THE LIGHT Live Event being held November 1st in NYC! This great panel will be sharing our insights into finding your way into the light and living a life that is true, meaningful, and full of joy!
More info: Into The Light Event
Into the Light is designed to help you see where you’re still stuck, in spite of everything you’ve learned, and done, and invested in. It’s designed to help you feel safe and fine and relaxed enough to see the next steps coming through.
This Live Event happening on November 1, 2012 in New York includes:
- Jennifer Zwiebel leading you through her most effective tools, which you’ll activate at the event, so that you can walk out with a clear strategy for the next forty days.
- A 30-minute private session with Jennifer Zwiebel the week after the event, during which you will customize your strategy so that it truly supports you
- The chance to be selected for live coaching with an incredible live panel of experts
- The opportunity to learn from women of all backgrounds and paths, traveling different journeys, seeking to boost each other up and live lives as truth seekers and tellers
- Experiential learning that will sink the messages into your mind, body and spirit
The aim of the INTO THE LIGHT Live Event is to create a sacred space in which you can look at what’s going on for you, give yourself permission to actually want what you want, and take one big step right into action. It’s also filled with laughter, joy, music, wisdom, extraordinary women and a little bit of magic.
For more details and to register, click here: Into The Light Event.
I hope to see you there!
P.S. **BONUS** When you join Into the Light, you will also receive the complete “Out from Under Virtual Event.” This week-long virtual event begins October 26th, 2012, and leads up to the live event. Register for INTO THE LIGHT here
“You teach what you most need to learn.”
I got exhilarated by the thrill and joy of really being able to help people begin and/or deepen the kind of transformational journey back to the full expression of their Spirit that I had so dramatically started undergoing in the early 90’s. Back then, for me, it was all about being captivated by and passionately engaged with the rush that comes with truly being in the groove of what you’re meant to do. Recently, however, I have come to truly & viscerally see that there is perhaps an even larger reason why I made that career and life transition all those years ago. It’s a reason that is now coming home to roost in all my emotional fibers, that I hadn’t really seen or given true holistic credence to. While it is extremely rewarding to see that my work with people makes a tremendous difference, I’ve now come to see that the difference that has really needed to be made, as much as with others, is with myself. In particular, I am getting a whole new view of the difference that needs to be made in my relationship with shame.
0160;I’m going to just tell it like I see it, and bring all my heart and truth to it. How will that look?
Have you been feeling slammed, swamped, overwhelmed and exhausted?
Whether you’ve just finished celebrating a month’s worth of holidays, survived the first month of back-to-school, or are simply looking around at piles of papers/unfinished projects/things you dream of doing but are afraid you’ll never get to, you’re probably trying to figure out how you can possibly find the time, space and mental wherewithal to move forward.
If that sounds about right, read on!
If you’re willing to try something different, and ready to take some time to see what happens if you give yourself a chance to succeed, then I invite you to join me and my good friend Jennifer Zwiebel, founder of A Place of Joy™.
Jennifer has designed a week-long journey to help you climb Out from Under whatever is overwhelming you so that you can have more time, space and peace of mind in your life, starting NOW. Not only am I excited to share this with you, I’m also excited to be a part of it!
I’ll be sharing a very personal story, one you probably haven’t heard before, of my own overwhelm. I’m going to be up-front and open about what it took for me to face the truth about it, and how I managed to climb out from under it.
I’m doing this because I know that when you’re in that space of overwhelm and paralysis it can be terrifying. You can feel like you’re the only one going through it, and that there is no way out.
I’m here to tell you there IS a way out, and you can begin your journey here.
Are you ready? Join me here: www.OutFromUnderEvent.com
Learn what it took for Jennifer to climb out from under her own overwhelm, and what she teaches her clients at A Place of Joy™, so you can move from:
- Being swamped with to-do lists that only seem to get longer, no matter how busy you are
- Drowning in paper, bills, articles, forms, photos, email…
- Wishing you had time to play with your kids, take care of yourself, pursue the things that bring you joy
- Always waiting “until”–until you have enough time, enough money, enough support–to do the thing you most long to do (write your book, start a business, put your creativity out into the world)
- Being paralyzed by fear and staying stuck in a place where you are unhappy
- Waking up with a clear, realistic plan that supports the most important pieces of your life
- Giving yourself enough time to do your best–and actually complete the things you start
- Loving your space and inviting people into your life
- Taking care of yourself easily and naturally
- Doing the things that bring you joy NOW, whether it’s curling up with a book, playing with your kids, or following your passion into a new career–and doing it without guilt or fear, being able to actually enjoy it
Sound good? Join us!
The Out From Under virtual event begins Friday, October 26th. Find out more and register at www.OutFromUnderEvent.com.
You can access all of the lessons, inspiring conversations, and powerful experiences from your phone, and the entire program is yours to keep and listen to whenever you want.
Discover how you may be sabotaging yourself:
- Setting yourself up for inevitable failure, no matter how hard you work (Fun!)
- Insisting that everything on your to do list is the most important thing
- Using convenient and socially acceptable tools like rationalization, blame and the belief that you’re just lazy
And discover what happens when you stop the cycle and give yourself a chance to succeed.
Jennifer learned all of this the hard way. She creates all of her tools because she needs them. She really wants to share some of what she’s learned with you so you can save yourself some of the heartache, anger, frustration, anxiety and tears that come with being overwhelmed, self-sabotaging and self-critical.
For more details and to grab your spot, go to:
I’m really looking forward to sharing this journey with you, and to seeing what happens for you when you dig yourself Out from Under!
P.S. Have questions? Not sure if this is right for you? Just email email@example.com and they’ll do everything they can to take care of you!
P.P.S. Here’s the link again, in case you just like to scroll all the way to the bottom to find the link: www.OutFromUnderEvent.com
Women are on the verge of something amazing. We all feel it. And I know want to be a part of it. You want to know how to embrace the best of who you are to create the life, business and world of your dreams. You know you want these things, but for many of you the challenge is finding the time to figure out how to get them!
Well, I am thrilled to announce that I am going to be a panelist at an event for entrepreneurs who are passionate about their businesses and their lives. I hope you’ll join me for this full day seminar to focus on your life, your business and the path you’ll walk to fulfillment!
I want to invite you to join me and four incredible speakers: Casey Eberhart, David Fagan, Maurice DiMino and Pina De Rosa, for a full, intensive day of training, exercises and inspiration that will propel you forward in life and in business.
This event is being held on October 24, 2012 at Braemar Country Club in Tarzana. Your registration includes the 4 speakers, lunch, networking time and an amazing panel of experts.
I am thrilled to share this event with you and am so excited to be one of the panelists. I hope to have you there to support me!
I know that you are going to leave our day together full of new confidence and ideas of what is possible for your business and for your life. You will have clarity and focus on who you are, what you want and the steps to take after the event to reach your goals.
You don’t want to miss it!
For a complete overview of the day, and to register, visit https://eo102.infusionsoft.com/go/PYPWH/glaughton. Discounted ticket pricing ends on October 10 and limited space is available. When the tickets are gone, they’re gone!
I can’t wait to spend this powerful day with you! I hope you’ll take advantage of this event to have a full day to focus on your life, your business and the path you’ll walk to fulfill your dreams!
P.S. Here’s that link again to learn more about this intensive, hands-on environment specifically created to accelerate your business growth: https://eo102.infusionsoft.com/go/PYPWH/glaughton.
It’s kind of a funny thing, that expression “It scared me to death.”
[Recently discussed by Geoff at Debbie LaChusa’s Money Success Happiness blog at www.moneysuccesshappiness.com] In my work with people, and in my own personal life, one of the biggest components of happiness, success, obstacles, or challenges always seems to boil down to one thing: FEAR. Now, you may think you know what fear means… you certainly know what it feels like… but let me paraphrase a definition I like a lot: Forgetting Everything’s All Right.
I have come to see that one of the biggest obstacles to peace and healthy relationships is FEAR.
So, in thinking about how many times I’ve said, “I’m scared to death to do….,” or “I think I’ll do that later, because I’m just scared to death of what might happen,“… or, “I’ll talk with him/her next week, because I’m scared to death of how they might react (That one sound familiar to those of you out there with spouses/partners?)”, I realized that a major shift in perspective is so essential for us to really have what we want. This is certainly true in romantic relationships, but particularly relevant to our success in life, in general, as well.
Turning Fear Around.
What if, instead of relating to the fears we have as stops, we used them as indicators and signs of positive actions and directions ready to happen?
I have so often used fear to stop me, not catching on to the opportunity the fear is presenting me to take the next step(s) towards greatness… great results in my business, great health, and/or even greater levels of connection to my wife, who I’ve been with for 30 years now. A coach I work with reminded me that, if you’re really scared, it’s a sure sign you’re ready to grow exponentially. Oy!
I’ve always interpreted it to mean it’s time to stop and/or wait… until it’s safe.
Wait until there’s enough control. Or, wait until I’m SURE that the result is predictable and assured. At 54, I have gotten old enough—and, presumably wiser enough—to look back and see how many opportunities for love, wealth, connection, and peace have been missed because I was relating to my fear the wrong way.
So, my offering to you today is: stop letting feeling scared to death stop you (unless such a level of fear is attached to the reality of an oncoming car making its way towards your certain annihilation). Instead, try spending a day (just for starters!) being committed—NO MATTER WHAT—to being Scared Back To Life.
Let me know how it turns out for you!