What Were The Odds?

The phrase “What were the odds?” often gets used in conjunction with some disaster or catastrophe.  However, it’s a perfect phrase to describe how I feel on this very momentous day in my life.

Today is a VERY important anniversary in my life, and there are some anniversaries that really deserve to be touted and celebrated, so that their meaning can be re-ignited and continually be a source of honoring what really matters.  Today is the 30th anniversary of my Beloved Sarah and I becoming a couple.  Jeez…30 years! It’s unbelievable to me (and to us) that that many years have gone by.  Of course, it’s equally a trip to me to see how utterly fabulous and young we looked in the pic to the left, which was taken a couple months after we became a couple (and how I looked when I had hair)!

This eZine is all about love, Spirit, and relationships, not always necessarily in that order, so I’m banking on the fact that you’ll find it useful to you to know a bit about why this anniversary is so special (besides longevity) and what it may have to offer you with your relationship(s).

“What were the odds?” comes into play here, because when Sarah and I look back on these past 30 years, that question is one of the primary things we both think of.  What were the odds that we’d even meet?  Pretty slim if you knew the circumstances of our lives at the time.  What were the odds we’d evenlike each other, because we were SO different then and wanting very different things?  In fact, my late mother (who actually introduced Sarah and I), when I first confessed to her my romantic interest in Sarah, told me, “Don’t even think about it…she’ll NEVER go out with you.” (Note to you if you’re a Mom…you probably don’t ever want to tell a son that about a woman…just about guaranteed to drive him even farther towards her). What were the odds really going to be that we’d fall in love with each other when she was newly divorced, I was much younger than Sarah, and I was just starting in a relationship with another woman?  What were the odds that a just-out-of-college 24-year-old was going to fall so madly in love with a woman who had a 9-year old kid who was likely to hate ANY guy coming into his Mom’s life (and did for a few years)?

When it comes to love, the cool thing is that odds can often NOT tell the real story or the truest potential.  All I knew, when I really started to get to know this internally and externally gorgeous woman, was that I’d finally met someone that could fit the bill of what I KNEW I wanted in a Partner, the most important qualities of which were integrity and trustworthiness.  There was never a doubt in my mind that I could trust Sarah, and that has been more than borne out over these last 30 years.

I recently shared with a friend, who was asking me how I most easily connect to the energy of Spirit, or the Divine.  It was a no-brainer to give the answer that immediately came to my heart: I look in Sarah’s eyes.  When she’s connected to her love for me, and if I’m smart enough to pay attention, I can look in her eyes and see Spirit gazing at me intently with the most unconditional love I’ve ever experienced.  I can barely breathe when she looks at me that way…then, I get to deal with the errant part of my mind that still, after all these years, is simply agog at how much love is coming my way.  The fact that that’s been true even in the midst of some of our more trying – or just plain s**tty – times is a Spirit-gifted affirmation, to me, of the true power and potential of love.

It isn’t lost on either of us that we’re one of the few couples either of us know who’ve been together more than 10 years who still truly love each other, like each other, and truly look forward to getting to wake up to the other each day.

I feel blessed by that (and, yes, we’ve worked hard at it), but also quite sad that there aren’t more like us that we know.  I’m not saying there aren’t…but, in our sphere of influence, we just don’t see them. When I share that, people ask me, “Well, what’s your secret?”  While a great question, I have to confess I think it’s Spirit’s secret that we’ve been blessed to be channels for, in a way.  But, there are a few things that I’m happy to share that I think is part of what’s allowed us to last this long, with this much love still GROWING (it doesn’t stay static)…I’ll offer them as a sort of a recipe:

  • Allow yourself to be guided to great starting material; in other words, be sure you do what I did: find one of the most lovely, heartful, caring, and loving people you’ve ever met.  If they’re caring towards life, themselves, and others, they’re likely to be that way with you.
  • Have the good sense to take the time to really get to know each other (out of bed is almost more important at that early stage).  I knew within two dates that I was seriously falling for Sarah, but we took the time to really get to know each other before we started really acknowledging that we were a committed partnership (we finally got married 3 years after that).
  • Add in a boatload of caring conversation…almost be more interested in your partner than you are in yourself (I said “almost”…you have to tend your own garden first, no matter what…but, you have to genuinely be interested in, and committed to, the other person’s potential being fully realized).
  • Stir in a few hundred cups of patience, understanding, and respect…without those, the relationship’s doomed.  Part of this is remembering that, if you’re in a committed relationship of ANY nature, it’s a long-haul deal…get over the adolescent urge for continual instant gratification.
  • Blend in a TON of respect…if I had to pick just one quality that’s been the single largest contributor (besides love, of course) to our healthy longevity, it’s been the degree to which we both respect each other, and treat each other with as much respect as we can muster in any given moment…especially when we’re pissed off at each other.
  • Fold in a LOT of touch, affection (verbal & physical), and great sex…never hurts.
  • Sprinkle heavily with large flakes of commitment…when we said “I do” 27 years ago, we meant it…and, there’ve been plenty of times when that’s been the only thing that got us through.
  • Lastly, if you have trouble remembering that there are some things that are more important, and valuable, than you two always “being happy,” be sure that you add in some wonderful children (as we did) who will always remind you to occasionally take your attention off yourself and your own needs. It also wouldn’t hurt to throw a healthy devotion and commitment to a Spiritual Path of some sort…a relationship centered around being an expression of the Divine in and through each of you will have a much better shot at lasting.
Sarah and I have been through times we should’ve never made it through, that many couples don’t (for which I give her about 90% of the credit), and we’ve revelled (and continue to) in the simplest things with each other (like eye contact).  But, above anything else, we’ve always leaned into our love and our absolute KNOWING of who the other person truly is (especially when they’re not seeing it or behaving like it) to help us get re-aligned with ourselves and the magic of our partnership.
For this Divine Gift that Sarah has been in my life, I am eternally grateful and wish you all that in EVERY relationship you have.  Is it easy? No.  Is it possible? Well, we’ve lived to tell the truth that it is, and we look forward to more.