To me, one of the greatest goals I hear people talk about — from their teenage years onward — is finding their “dream relationship” or “dream partner.” It’s an idea that feels deeply personal yet universal — something so many of us long for in one way or another.
But when you really stop and think about it, this raises a question: what exactly is a dream relationship? Let’s take a closer look at what it means and how you can create one that truly fulfills you.
To me, one of the greatest goals I hear people talk about — from their teenage years onward — is finding their “dream relationship” or “dream partner.” It’s an idea that feels deeply personal yet universal — something so many of us long for in one way or another.
But when you really stop and think about it, this raises a question: what exactly is a dream relationship? Let’s take a closer look at what it means and how you can create one that truly fulfills you.
How Do You Define Cultivating Relationships?
When I ask people what a dream relationship means to them, there has often been a list given that is both Hollywood-ized, to a degree, but also tends to be all about what that other person — or the relationship — is going to provide them.
Having Mr. or Ms. McDreamy is going to make their life SO much better. That person will support them whenever they need support, make them happy, and provide monetary, emotional, or psychological help when needed.
But the grass you imagine is not always greener.
The (Small) Issue With “Dream Relationships”
The problem is that in dream relationships — an inordinate amount of power gets given over to that other person and/or entity. They’re essentially the sun your star revolves around, so their feelings, thoughts, stances — everything they stand for — become first for you.
You become second, not equal — second in your relationship. And this is an almost certain recipe for failure.
Even if the relationship itself lasted, it would be choked off of its passion and juiciness potential by what would be an ever-growing haze of co-dependency — marked by an equally ever-growing resentment that always builds when someone on whom we depend to take care of our needs doesn’t get the job done.
But if it doesn’t, you may be irreparably hurt. So, what’s the solution?
Love Yourself Before You Love Someone Else
As the title says, you need to know your self-worth before you let someone else influence who you really are.
So, a much healthier set-up would be to first develop a relationship with yourself in which a person can step in a way where they are not being seen as a power source but rather as a kind of amplifier — someone who amplifies that relationship we have with ourselves and adds new components.
This synergy can create a separate, inter-dependent entity that — in my way of feeling anyway — would help weave a loving partnership that reflects the truest Soul qualities of each partner and mirrors, in form, the fusion of Heaven and Earth, mind, body, and Spirit — that the picture here (painting at left copyrighted by DJ Sie) represents for me.
That — I believe — is a dream relationship we all should aspire to have. But how do you get there?
How to Get What You Want From Your Dream Relationship
In noted spiritual teacher and author Mary Manin Morrissey’s book, “Building Your Field Of Dreams,” she offers five questions that we can use to “test” our dreams.
They help us see — in my read of it — whether what we think is a dream we have for our life is, at the very least, in alignment with our Highest Good and the highest and best available learning our Spirit wants for us.
So, I am sharing these questions with you and inviting you to go through each one of them in the context of your love for — and relationship with — yourself first. Then, if you are currently in a love relationship with a partner, see what answers emerge in regard to your partner and relationship.
Doing this will help you both more deeply appreciate yourself, your partner, and your relationship (or not) — and serve as both a preventative and healing tool in those relationships. Why?
Because it will reveal how much of a burdensome, unnecessary weight your love relationship is carrying — the burden of projected needs and expectations that a healthy, thriving love for yourself would provide in a far more lasting and enduring way, no matter what’s happening in your relationship with your partner.
When we can “catch” that, we can take such projections off our partner (or any external relationship) and re-true our relationship with ourselves — that then frees up our love relationship to be of a totally different (and healthier) purpose.
By the way, if your dream relationship has fallen off the rocks, my relationship design review may be of great help to you. In it, you get a full diagnosis where communication is breaking down and actionable steps to get things back on track. Ok — back to the blog post.
5 Questions to Cultivate a Healthy Dream Relationship
Here are the questions:
1. Does/Will the Relationship/Dream Enliven Me?
When you think about this question, focus on how your potential dream relationship influences your energy and overall sense of well-being:
- Does this dream bring excitement and energy to your life — or is it more of an escape from reality?
- Or is your dream based on someone else completing you or “fixing” parts of your life you feel are lacking?
For example, in your dream relationship, you might imagine a partner who is always attentive and fulfills all needs. But do they challenge you to become the best version of yourself?
If your answer is no, there’s no need to think your dream is flawed — it isn’t! A “no” is just a goal post that helps you understand whether your fantasy is about living fully or if it’s a placeholder for deeper work you might need to do on your relationship with yourself.
2. Does/Will the Relationship/Dream Align With My Core Values?
When you’re fantasizing about a dream relationship, think about whether it matches your core values — your principles, beliefs, and the things that give your life meaning.
For instance, does your dream require sacrificing your independence, integrity, or authenticity to maintain your relationship? Does it involve open, vulnerable communication, even during difficult moments?
In these cases, your dream might hint at an unmet need or insecurity instead of a true alignment with your values.
3. Do/Will I Need Help From a Higher Source to Make This Dream/Relationship Realized?
Some dreams are co-created — with your own efforts and the guidance of something greater. Here are some questions to help you decide on a “yes,” “maybe,” or “no”:
- Does your dream relationship feel like it’s entirely within your control?
- Do you feel it’s something that will unfold with time, trust, and a bit of divine intervention?
- Are there qualities in this dream relationship — unconditional love, mutual growth, or a deep soul connection — that feel larger than what you’ve experienced before?
If your dream feels unattainable without help from a higher source, maybe it means working on yourself, surrendering control over the “how” and “when,” or trusting that what will help you achieve your highest good will come in its own time.
4. Does/Will This Relationship/Dream Require Me to Grow Into More of My True Self?
Your dream relationship should challenge and inspire you to become the best, most authentic version of yourself. Here’s how to think about it a little deeper:
- Does this dream push me to face fears or insecurities I’ve avoided?
- Will it help me accept parts of myself I’ve neglected or undervalued?
- Does this dream involve someone who uplifts me, respects my individuality, and supports my personal growth?
If your dream relationship includes a partner who will know every part of you — the good, the bad, the wonderful — but you struggle with vulnerability, it might gently nudge you to work on opening up.
5. Does/Will This Relationship/Dream Ultimately Bless Others?
A relationship grounded in mutual respect, kindness, and authenticity has a way of radiating outward — touching lives in ways you might not even anticipate.
If your dream involves a partnership that prioritizes kindness, generosity, or shared service, think about the ripple effect that could have. Maybe it might inspire your kids (or future kids) to see what healthy love looks like or motivate others to find balance in their own lives.
But if your dream relationship feels insular and is focused solely on fulfilling your personal needs — it’s worth thinking about whether it truly works with your higher self and values.
3 Tips for Going Through the Dream Test
The “dream test” is just a way to help you understand whether your dream relationship will actually prove worthwhile for you.
Here are three ways to make it as useful as possible:
1. Answer From Your Heart
Take your time going through each question and answer it from your heart far more than from your mind. You want to be as honest as possible, so go with the first answer that comes to mind.
If it’s a “no,” don’t see it as a failure or something wrong with your dream. Instead, treat it like an opportunity for growth. Ask yourself:
- What am I holding onto that prevents a “yes”?
- Is there a belief, fear, or expectation I need to shift within myself to make my dream a reality?
Your goal isn’t perfection but progress. So, take each “no” or “maybe” as a guidepost to the dream that you truly want to live.
2. Pay Attention to Your Feelings
As you work through the dream test, each question you ask yourself will prompt an emotional response. Pay attention to it — which question makes you feel uncomfortable, which makes you feel at peace, which makes you feel excited?
Also, notice how your feelings may differ when you’re applying it to your relationship with yourself versus applying it to a past or current love relationship that was extremely important to you.
For instance, when you think about your relationship with yourself and ask, “Does this dream mesh with my core values?” you might feel uneasy if you’ve been compromising your values to fit others’ expectations. That’s something you could potentially change about your dream.
In this way, your feelings will be your guide. They’ll help you understand the way to your highest self and build bridges to get there.
3. Share Your Experience
While it may feel counterproductive, sharing your insights with someone you trust can deepen your understanding of the “why” behind certain aspects of your dream.
You could start by talking to your closest friends and family. But if you would be willing to share what came up and what you learned with me and would want it to be anonymous, you could email me at geoff@yourrelationshiparchitect.com.
I would really love to hear what comes up for you when you do this exercise — both out of my obvious attraction to the exercise but also as part of the research I’m doing for an upcoming book and class on relationships I’m in the midst of creating.
If you’re willing to have your experiences be of more immediate use and support for others trying to figure all this relationship stuff out, I invite you to post a comment or a note, to my Living Your Spirit Now Facebook fan page (click here: Geoff’s Fan Page).
I hope you enjoy, and get illuminated (maybe even a bit uncomfortable) by, doing this exercise — and will seriously take on using whatever you learn to continually deepen, align, and expand your relationship with yourself — and your Beloved — toward the limitless places of connection and expansion that I feel are totally possible to live in.
Hi, I’m the author of this post and have helped save hundreds of relationships in my private practice in Erie, Colorado. If you are struggling to connect with your partner in a meaningful way, you are not alone. Sometimes, outside help and guidance can make the difference between a lifetime of happiness or calling it quits. I encourage you to reach out for a free consultation or sign up for my relationship design review. Hope to chat soon. ~Geoff
